I’m Dan. I’m a Writer.

I was the writer behind the viral social media personality NOT A WOLF. I wrote a book about the character, a wolf pretending to be a man in a dead-end office job, that was published by Andrews McMeel in 2021. It was received quite warmly, being named in New York Magazine's "Best of 2021” coverage. These days, the account is mostly on hiatus but occasionally the desire to tweet in all-caps strikes me and I can't help myself.

Outside of NOT A WOLF, I’ve written for comedy outlets like McSweeney’s, ClickHole, and The Onion. Between 2017 and 2025, my main beat at The Onion was American Voices. You know the ones with these guys? I wrote a ton of those. I've also appeared on television shows like The Late Late Show With James Corden and co-founded the Chicago shame-based storytelling juggernaut, We Still Like You.

My longer form writing has appeared in publications like Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Pitchfork. I've done some worldbuilding game design for the beloved card game Magic: The Gathering, having contributed both to creative text game design and narrative worldbuilding.

If you're not familiar with any of that, you've probably just seen a lot of aging screenshots of my tweets reposted on reddit and know me for stuff like coining the phrase "luxury bones".

No matter how you got here, it's nice to see you.