I’m Dan. I’m a writer.

I was the writer behind the viral social media personality NOT A WOLF. I wrote a book about the character, a wolf pretending to be a man in a dead-end office job. That book was released by Andrews McMeel in 2021. It was received quite warmly, being named one of New York Magazine's "Best Humor Books of 2021" as a part of their year-end culture coverage. These days, the account is mostly on hiatus but occasionally the desire to tweet in all-caps strikes me and I can't help myself.

I've done a fair amount of comedy writing outside of NOT A WOLF, briefly contributing to ClickHole in 2016 and having worked as a contributor for The Onion since 2017. My main beat is American Voices. You know the ones with these guys? I've written a lot of those. I've written for outlets like McSweeney's and appeared on television shows like The Late Late Show With James Corden. I also co-founded and hosted the Chicago shame-based storytelling juggernaut, We Still Like You.

My longer form writing has appeared in publications like Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Pitchfork. I've done some worldbuilding game design for the beloved card game Magic: The Gathering, having contributed both to creative text game design and narrative worldbuilding.

If you're not familiar with any of that, you've probably just seen a lot of aging screenshots of my tweets reposted on reddit and know me for goofy stuff like coining the phrase "luxury bones".

No matter how you got here, it's nice to see you.